Tomorrow marks the last day of something, as if changing a style (read: lifestyle) is going to do anything. This sort of thing appeals to me – and occurs fairly regularly – so I sat myself down and analyzed every aspect of it, going over why and how it matters to me. Didn't quite see an answer, but I'm putting down a guess with my obsession with try again and again and again until it works. Staying the same is monotonous and gives me anxiety.
There was a deer family that I saw before going to class the same morning I took the picture of the tree. Sensitive creatures, those animals, and one of them kept watching my every move like I was about to pounce them. It was a little frightening, come to think of it, and also calming.
Ask me how that works and I will simply shrug at you.
I also have a fascination with trees. Anyone can note this after viewing my collection of photos. Green is sort of my favorite color as well, so that helps I guess. Sometimes I hate trees because they house spiders. Today at school, I was staring at the pine needle-infested ground, interwoven with web strands that glittered. It was pretty and disgusting. As much as I glorify spiders (and thus beautify spiderwebs in the process), I despise them with every fiber of my being that I nearly cry when I'm too close to one. It really bothers me. I went kayaking once, partnered with my mom, and we hit a few trees along the Russian River. That was all right for a while until we were entangled by a gnarly tree branch, and I saw these new spider species and I cried and got angry at my mom because she basically said that my fear of them wasn't so much as a problem as being stuck. Which ultimately brings me to:
Why do people underestimate other's fears of whatever it is they hate most, anyway?
However, there are things around here that keep me sane. Case in point being my hometown of Pacifica. Despite its perpetual drift in fog and rain, I love it to bits for the oceanic scenery and then some. This place is what makes it hard for me to say, "I want to get up and move to New York/Seattle/Tokyo permanently!"
The first few years of living here, I had every intention of leaving California. But after ten years (I think, I can't honestly remember), I love it and never ever want to leave the Bay Area. I plan to visit other places for days or weeks or months at a time if I have to, but I want my permanent home here. Though I leave my future open to the thought I may find home elsewhere. You never know.
I fantasized about doing that once upon a time, blogging through pictures, that is. It...didn't really work out for me. I either forgot my camera at home or forgot that I had my camera in my bag. But this so works for you! Sunsea alone teaches me why you wouldn't move to Tokyo after all the obsession. Of course, obsessions die. Love doesn't. Home doesn't.
I have been thinking about taking pictures and picking one every week out of the stash as a writing prompt. Pft. We'll see how well that idea goes over.
Posted by: Puu | 10/09/2007 at 02:50 PM